I have been struggling in Professional Identity and Practice these first few weeks of class because I think my dreams vary a bit from the dreams of my classmates. It\u2019s a theatre class that specializes in the art of dreaming and creating a life for yourself, and in a room full of nerds who love making art, I thought I would be understood and I have not really been feeling that way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have always been a nurturing person. I love taking good care of people and things. It is the number one rule in my life, to care for everything with love and patience and respect. I think that\u2019s why I have been a bit tentative with Margot. I struggled with finding the confidence that I needed to play her. I was putting very high expectations on myself to carry her with grace, so much so that I was holding myself back. I know that it must be frustrating to read some of my journals, because a lot of them simply focus on my confidence and I feel like I should be past that point. But I didn\u2019t know coming into this production how much confidence I would need to play this awesome, devastating woman. She is lacking so much in her confidence and her ability to be who she is and I didn\u2019t realize how opposite I needed to be from that point in order to tell her story realistically. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today in rehearsal I was watching Rob and Ben act out Act two Scene two and I looked at Noel, our Assistant Director in the middle of it and I was almost crying. They\u2019re talking about Margot in the scene and dragging her name almost. I just care so much. I care about her like she\u2019s real. I don\u2019t even know if that makes sense. When I performed in Good Boys and True<\/em>, I had the same sentiments. Jimmy, my director for that show, asked me one day why I cried during our rehearsals, during my character, Cheryl\u2019s scenes. I told him, no one is caring for her, and you casted me and trusted me to care for her. How could I not cry? Her life is breaking and no one cares? It\u2019s my job. Jimmy just kind of looked at me and said thank you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I always thought that feeling that way about my characters, nurturing them and caring for them didn\u2019t really make sense. I don\u2019t want it to be an unhealthy practice. I don\u2019t think I\u2019m the character I\u2019m portraying. I don\u2019t think these terrible things are happening to me or to someone in my real life that I love. The playwright just had the creativity to come up with this person. They are a fully thought out human being and I have a responsibility to care for them with my whole heart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In professional Identity and Practice, I feel like my dreams are different from my classmates because I want to have a family. That has always been my dream. When I was asked as a little girl what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said that I wanted to be a mom. Taking care is what I do. In that class, I don\u2019t feel like I can say that, because how can I be an actor, then a librarian, then a mom. That track doesn\u2019t make the most logical sense to most people in that class. But wanting those things doesn’t make me a bad actor. And I realised that today in rehearsal when I spoke to Noel. Being a person who cares \u201ctoo much\u201d is the thing that makes me love acting. It\u2019s what makes my performances make sense. I care about Margot and want to tell her story with care because that is a superpower in my natural personality and I think it\u2019s why I love the art of acting. I feel a little silly that I didn\u2019t realize that until today. I\u2019m not \u201cacting wrong.\u201d I\u2019m acting in a way that is mine. That\u2019s what I\u2019m supposed to be doing. It\u2019s my art.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I have been struggling in Professional Identity and Practice these first few weeks of class because I think my dreams vary a bit from the dreams of my classmates. It\u2019s a theatre class that specializes in the art of dreaming and creating a life for yourself, and in a room full of nerds who love […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-journals"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=380"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/380\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":381,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/380\/revisions\/381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}