{"id":403,"date":"2025-09-30T14:26:57","date_gmt":"2025-09-30T14:26:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/?p=403"},"modified":"2025-09-30T14:26:57","modified_gmt":"2025-09-30T14:26:57","slug":"september-19-pay-what-you-can","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/?p=403","title":{"rendered":"September 19 – Pay what you can!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I feel like sometimes there\u2019s this communication barrier between myself and other people. It\u2019s like I\u2019m speaking in my third or fourth language. After an interaction, I\u2019ll get back home and think \u201coh wait THAT\u2019S the word I should have used\u201d or \u201cTHIS is what I could have said!\u201d It is something that really bothers me. I have an anxiety disorder and I\u2019m really good at managing that and making sure it doesn\u2019t get in between myself and others. But on occasion, when it does distance me from other people or lead conversations into a confusing space, I find myself getting frustrated with myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We watched a video in Professional Identity and Practice the other day that really helped me register these feelings and I\u2019m including that video here. In the video, Sarah Kay<\/a> talks about how when moving through life, we have a tendency as people, to move with our arms in fists in front of us, crossing, protecting us from danger and anything that might hurt our hearts. But she also talked about the importance of carrying yourself with your palms out and open in front of you. She expresses that moving in such a way is difficult! It is hard to feel everything with the full force of your being. To lead with your palms open is to open yourself up to being hurt, misunderstood. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve always felt like I\u2019ve moved through the world that way. I’m an emotional and feeling person. I believe in moving from the heart. I lead with my chest, with my palms up. I have always been that way. I\u2019ve talked in some prior journals about how I\u2019m learning to use that in my acting process. It is not a bad thing to feel vibrantly and deliberately! \u201cFeeling\u201d for my characters allows me to better understand them and empathize with their stories. That\u2019s what acting is, finding the reasons and actions that move that person. I can\u2019t understand how to do that if I don\u2019t understand \u201cthe why\u201d that drives their heart! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, sometimes I feel like this trait of mine holds me back when I return to \u201cthe real world\u201d and I’m not in Maida Vale! I had a conversation with Marc following the show today where we talked about notes and overall feelings about how pay what you can went! I started crying during our conversation, because I have been waiting for so long to open this show. I\u2019ve been putting as much of myself into it as possible. And talking about how it went just released a lot of that energy and gave me specific things to focus on. I cry when I\u2019m feeling. I don’t cry only when it’s negative. But I felt terrible because Marc thought that he hurt my feelings or that I didn’t understand his critiques! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love getting critiques and growing forward in my skills. That is one of the things that I always appreciate! If I have a reaction to it, I don\u2019t want it to be perceived as a negative thing. I don\u2019t know if I can even explain that. But I want it to be clear that that is what I want. I want to grow and improve, vocally, physically, and mentally. I think I have grown tremendously in my prep work and acting work during this process and I am proud of my growth! It is far from perfect and I know that, but I hope that as a young actor I can continue to get better and better here at UMW and beyond. I really don\u2019t want these feelings of openness that I think are a gorgeous trait that I possess to be perceived as a negative thing. I am learning to love how my personality makes my work better. Art is individualised and my personal uniqueness is what makes it MY art!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I feel like sometimes there\u2019s this communication barrier between myself and other people. It\u2019s like I\u2019m speaking in my third or fourth language. After an interaction, I\u2019ll get back home and think \u201coh wait THAT\u2019S the word I should have used\u201d or \u201cTHIS is what I could have said!\u201d It is something that really bothers […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-403","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-journals"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/403","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=403"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/403\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":404,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/403\/revisions\/404"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=403"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=403"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dialemformurder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=403"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}