Our sound designer, Tony, came upstairs to talk to some tech folks today at the beginning of our fight call. I was still waiting for Jonah to come upstairs, so I had a minute to talk to him about how tech has been going and how he’s been feeling. He pulled me to the side and he said, “Emmy, I don’t even recognise you, sometimes actors put on their costumes and they still look like themselves, but you are a completely different person, and it’s not the costume’s fault, you are moving, thinking, and feeling like her. I can see it.” I almost broke down crying. I was so, so proud at that moment. Especially after how I was feeling yesterday about my costumes. I don’t want that to be read the wrong way either. I love the costumes in this show. They are so helpful to me in finding this character. I think that Kevin, Mrs. Nichol, and the entire costume shop and wardrobe crew have done an amazing job and have curated beautiful pieces that fit the world of this play just so. But I don’t want to be swallowed by this beautiful thing. I don’t want it to take away from all of the work that I have put into the past few months of caring for Margot.
But what Tony said really made me feel like I’ve been getting somewhere. I’ve never been told that about my acting by someone who has no stake in the game, (a director, a family member, or a castmate). It made me feel so proud and happy. I think I really needed that confidence boost. Not an ego boost, just a sign that I am working hard and that I am capable of creating a story that is full of detail! How kind of him to say that! It really changed something in my heart today.
On a completely separate note, I had a realization during Act two, Scene one. Maxine and Margot are talking about the letters. Margot believes that Max is behind the attack. She thinks she played a hand in it. In her mind, the woman that she loved has betrayed her. On page fifty one, Margot says “it’s all yours,” while talking about the story that she’s weaving, that Maxine is behind this revenge plot. It hit me yesterday in the middle of the scene that at one point or another Margot was all hers. They were everything to each other. It’s not about the story at all. This line is about Margot telling Maxine that she’s not hers anymore. My action here is to distance, to drill it through her thick skull that she’s not mine. I have a life. I have a husband. She can’t hurt me.
This is so sad from an outside perspective because we, as an audience, know that Maxine is not behind it. But Margot fully believes this. I think I can do a better job of embodying that. The realization about the “it’s all yours line” helped me to feel more fully in the scene! There was a beautiful moment today when I was on the couch with Rob and we were acting and all of the sudden we were just Margot and Max, we weren’t us anymore and it was really nice! I didn’t see Rob and they didn’t see me. We just met in the work and got to it. It was really lovely and I can’t wait for every moment to feel like that! How exciting and spectacular! Marc said he was proud of me at the end of rehearsal today and I’m really proud of myself too. Tomorrow is my day off and it will be spent recharging, making sure my lines are word perfect, and focusing on my character work, reading through it and focusing my energy into the small moments and intricacies of the show.