Margot is going through quite a lot in this show. I have done so much work to make sure she is as real a person as possible. I honestly forget who said this to me, but Marc, Angie, and Doctor Hedges have all said things in a similar vein– plays/musicals/works are not about the regular moments. Sure, they have regular moments in them, and that is beautiful! However, this play is happening right now because something is happening that is a turning point in somebody’s life. The events that occur in Dial M For Murder have never happened to Margot before and they are never going to happen again. This is the turning point of her entire life! What a massive responsibility that is! And what a privilege it is to tell that moment of her life every night. I wish that I could pinpoint the most important moments in my life and rewatch them. There was an activity similar to this idea in the blue book that I worked on this summer! I just think it’s crucial to recognise just how important the stakes are in this play. The playwright wrote this moment into existence for a reason! The right before and right after are so importantly filled with given circumstance that leads us to understand who she is as a person and why this story is the one being told!
With all that said, because of the importance of these moments, I have found myself crying every night during the show and that is everyone’s favorite thing to talk about. It’s been weighing kind of heavy on my heart. As soon as people start calling something out, especially when you’re not thinking anything of it, then it becomes an object of your focus!
People have been coming up to me and asking me if I’m using a tear stick, (I don’t know what that is)? Or if I’m biting my cheek or lips? I don’t really know how to feel about those questions. Are we insinuating that the story just in and of itself is not sad? These questions are from audience members and folks backstage. I know absolutely no one means any harm by it! I simply feel a little weird, as an actor, because obviously my goal is not to cry. I am just pushing my objectives and trying with everything in me to get the things that Margot wants for herself! I am trying to reach the people in the room, Maxine, Tony, Lesgate, and the inspector! If I cry as a byproduct that’s fine! But I wasn’t really thinking about it. I don’t know. It’s just making me feel weird. I know it’s not weird. People who don’t act simply don’t understand and they are very naturally curious! But I thought since they had questions, my jury might have questions and I just need everyone to know that the “emotions” (please take that word figuratively and lightly) are coming from a genuine place. When folks ask me questions about the tears, I simply tell them “the story is sad”. What’s happening to Margot is heartbreaking! The life that she works so hard for is falling apart and there’s nothing that she can do to fix it! I feel bad for her! And sometimes in the moment that makes me cry without me even consciously thinking about it! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I think just hearing about it a lot this week has brought it to attention and I need to release that so I can go back to NOT thinking about it and just letting myself be up there.